(FYI: From here on out when I mention my boys in this blog their names will be Tumult and Peace. Enjoy the most beautiful story in my life to date. I didn't blog about it as it was going on because it was too much stress...but here is the cold, hard, truth, and the amazing, empowering ending.)
I feel a
need to start my story at the beginning. When I found out I was pregnant, the
first thing I knew was that I wanted a different experience than my first
birth. I looked into the hospital on island that is thought to be more natural
based, and set up an appointment with a midwife who delivered there. Upon going
to my first appointment, I was presented with a contract, basically saying that
when I got to the hospital to have the baby, I would comply and do all these
things. (allow a hep lock, allow pitocin if necessary, comply to anything doctors deemed necessary) This didn’t sit well with me…I hadn’t even confirmed my pregnancy yet
and they were already telling me how my birth was going to go. I started to
research other options.
It was then,
I came across my midwife, Selena, who is one of the more well known midwives
here. She used to run a birthing cottage, but now goes around the island doing
home births. I figured for sure that upon calling her she was going to turn me
away. I was incredibly anemic when I delivered my first baby and I knew that
made even the hospital providers uncomfortable. When Selena returned my call
she wanted to tell me all about home birth and meet with me. I told her that I
had some issues that may not allow me to birth at home and her response was
“What could possibly not allow you to birth at home?” Upon telling her, she
told me she worked with women who had the same blood disorder as me and they
had healthy, beautiful births at home. She told me all these things we could do
to build my system and I was so optimistic. When she came to our house to meet
us, I knew I had to have her on my side.
Selena would
visit us every two weeks. She started right away when I was only 6 weeks. I
told her it seemed kind of crazy since most hospitals made people wait until 12
weeks in case of miscarriage. She looked at me and said “We are not going to
think like that.” When Selena was there, the energy was different and
everything was possible.
I had a few
things come up that I thought for sure were going to upset Selena. First, my
blood count came back low, which was not a surprise. I knew I was not going to
be able to get to the 10 that everyone felt I should be at to deliver at home.
Selena reminded me that was okay. I was making progress and working hard to
build my blood and that was what mattered. She pointed out that my platelets
were high which was great and I had amazing iron stores, despite my anemia. She
worked with me.
At around 33
weeks, my blood pressure started to spike. I again, lost it and feared the
worst…pre eclampsia. Selena reminded me that it was all relative. I didn’t have
any other symptoms of pre eclampsia and my blood pressure, though high, wasn’t
THAT high. She brought me back from fear and reminded me of this. It was at
this time, I realized how much fear and trauma had surfaced from my first
birth. My midwives had given up on me that time…and I was worried it was going
to be more of the same. Selena never did that though.
The biggest
challenge came around 34 weeks, when we found our baby boy to be in the
transverse (sideways) position. My OB started to seem a little nervous, as they
like to see babies turn by 36 weeks to the head down position. I tried
everything…chiro…moxa…homepathics…you name it. At 35 weeks, he had flipped to
the head down position. I thought this journey was over.
At 37 weeks,
we found the baby to be transverse again. This was a bit more nerve wrecking as
I knew my OB wanted me to do something about it. Selena worked with my
fears…she did a tapping session to release them (which I may blog about later, as it was very trippy) and she encouraged me to try my
other methods of turning him. At 38 weeks, he was back to head down.
I thought
the worst was over, but then at 39 weeks I was getting a pedicure and started
to feel panic. Upon standing up, I felt a discomfort that only meant one thing.
My almost full term baby had turned sideways again. I went home and cried…my
husband and I tried to turn him back with rebozo and other exercises. We got an
ultrasound later that night and it confirmed he was sideways.
The next
morning when Selena came, she discovered the baby to be up and down again. We
didn’t know if he was breech or head down. Selena mentioned she was skilled in
breech delivery and that if I wanted to attempt it, she would be able to. I
trusted her, but it also didn’t resonate with me that my baby would be born
breech, so I felt a little worry. At least he was up and down though. In the
transverse position, it is not possible for babies to come out. I knew up and
down was better than sideways no matter what.
I again,
tried to surrender, but was still feeling unsettled. At 40 weeks…my baby flipped
sideways again. First I laughed…then I started to feel the panic set in. He
felt so stuck this time. He wasn’t budging at all. The next day, I texted
Selena and told her I felt something wasn’t quite right. She urged me to go to
my OB and ease my mind. She said “Maybe he’s trying to tell you he wants to
come.” She always encouraged I listen to my instinct. Upon getting to the OB,
we discovered our baby was perfect. His decels were great, his biophysical
profile was perfect, his fluid was awesome…but he was breech. The OB looked at
me and said “Well I can give you a c section.” I wanted to cry. I knew she was
not comfortable with me leaving her office without scheduling something. But I
think she also knew I wasn’t backing down. She let me go with no argument.
When I got
home, I called Selena. I was defeated. A baby can’t turn back at 40 weeks. Why was this happening to
me? I know I agreed I could do a breech birth but it felt unsettling and wrong.
I felt like this was not the position my baby wanted to be in. I could feel him fighting to move to a different position. I realized, this
was where the panic was coming from. But I didn’t know what to do. He needed to
get back down and he was trying to tell me…but I knew I was already doing
everything I could to help him. I felt all my fears creep back. What if my
blood pressure rises higher? What if there is meconium? What if I just never go
into labor on my own? Selena talked me down to the best of her ability, and
then let me go. I cried to my husband. I told him maybe I should just end the
misery and schedule a c section. He told me he would absolutely not judge me,
but that he knew I could still do this. He never felt fear and truly believed
in me. During my meltdown with my husband, I got a call from Jaymie, who is our
Midwife Under Supervision. She works with Selena, and was at all our
appointments. Jaymie just has a way of talking to me that gets through to me.
She stayed on the phone with me for around an hour. She told me how she trusts
babies…how she knows my boy isn’t doing this to me to hurt me…how we will see
the answer soon. She encouraged me to explore all my options so no matter what
I would feel safe. She found me a few doctors who would do breech delivery in
the hospital if home birth was too daunting to me, she found doctors willing to
do a version at 41 weeks, and she encouraged me that above all, I didn’t need
to change any plans…it was all up to me. When I still didn’t seem to calm down
much, she encouraged me to take a bath and have a little glass of wine. I did
as told, and slept amazingly that night.
The next
morning, I talked to Sunshine, my doula, about everything. Sunshine was with
everyone else…she didn’t feel this was over and knew I was getting my home
birth. She suggested we do a fear release, as she had a script to turn a breech
baby. I agreed, though apart from calming me, I didn’t feel this would do much.
I mean c’mon…turning a baby with your mind? That’s silly! Or Is it?
Later that
day, I went to see my chiropractor for a Webster technique adjustment. On the
car ride there, I had no idea why I was even doing this. It obviously wasn’t
working…I had been going since 34 weeks. Suddenly I heard a voice in my head. I
have no idea whose voice this was…it could have been my own. It could have been
Peace’s. It could have been someone completely different. The voice kept
saying “Let go…and you will find peace.” (I found this funny since my son's name means
peace) Every time I had a doubt come into my head, this voice kicked in. I
tried my best to listen, but letting go was not easy…not after all this
craziness. I still heard the voice every day up until my baby was born…every
time any doubt kicked in, this voice was there. Sometimes I tried to dismiss
it, sometimes it balanced me, and sometimes it motivated me. But it was always
there.
When
Sunshine came over the next night Friday, April 10th, I was calm. I was
detached. I was trying not to make any decisions or think about what was ahead.
I was going to the hospital on Monday, the 13th, to talk to the
doctors who were willing to attempt a breech delivery…just for options. They
were going to offer me a version and at the moment I was thinking I was going
to allow it. I sat there, eating my brownie sundae and told Sunshine of these
plans. She listened without judgment. We were all sitting around laughing and
talking, when Peace started to move his head. I showed her “Look at this big
brick moving in my ribs…look how uncomfortable?” She laughed and touched
it…then she started to gently shake it. I asked her what she was doing, and she
responded “I’m making him dance.” I giggled…Sunshine was so silly. What
happened next was insane…the head started to move down slowly! We were all in
awe. She kept tapping him, saying “Come on Peace!” I joked that she was
performing a version of her own. She laughed and assured me that the version
would be much more horrid and painful. Sunshine kept encouraging the head down,
when he went sideways. I didn’t feel nearly as much panic as I did all the
other times he went sideways. I laughed and said “Great, now he’s sideways!”
Sunshine said “Who cares? You’re going for a version anyway. If he’s sideways,
they have to do less work.” She kind of had a point. I teased her about what
she was doing, and she got silly, referring to it as “love taps.” She continued
making him dance, but then we had no idea where the head went. After how silly
we were, we decided to get serious and do the hypnosis script.
I laid on
the couch, as Sunshine read the script, along with some beautiful chime music
in the background. I closed my eyes and tried to really focus into letting this
be a good experience for me. I got down deeper and deeper into hypnosis…I saw a
projection of all my fears on a movie screen, and watched them disappear. I saw
my birth for what I wanted it to be. Then, it started to get trippy. I lost any
knowledge of what Sunshine was saying in the script. I was at a beautiful scene
with a pond and some of the most amazing green grass. I felt my pelvis get warm
(and Sunshine explained later that she was talking to the baby and her hand was
over my pelvis) and then finally felt something heavy drop down into it. I was
calm. I bonded with my baby’s spirit and
never wanted to leave this moment. So I didn’t…When Sunshine ended the script
and attempted to take me out of hypnosis, my subconscious declined. I heard her
stop and heard the music go off, but stayed where I was for another hour,
bonding with my baby and soaking up this connection that I truly don’t think we
had until this moment. When I came to, Sunshine was gone. I got up and got into
bed.
That night,
my dreams were trippy. During the final sequence, I had a dream where my
midwife was checking the baby’s position and she told me he was head down. I
woke up from this dream and upon standing I noticed the bed was all wet. Did my
water break? When I went to the bathroom, a huge piece of my plug came out.
This was it! I called Selena and told her I thought my water broke. What was
even trippier was that she had been dreaming about me when I called! She told me to go back to bed. We made a plan
to wait for contractions to pick up and go from there. I started to have
some…they got a tad bit strong…then upon laying down they tapered off. Selena
encouraged me to rest because she thought it was coming.
On Sunday
morning, I woke up to absolutely no change. Everything stalled. Selena
suggested she and Jaymie come over and check me, and make a plan from there. I
started to panic…if my water did break I was going to have to go to the
hospital and get induced. Nothing was happening.
Upon
inspection, it was decided that my water did not break. While in there, Jaymie
checked me. She couldn’t even get into my cervix to see how dilated I was. This
was discouraging. However, I was 80% effaced. She encouraged me that this was
great progress. So we didn’t have to make any plans, except to wait for true
labor to start. Baby was up and down, but we had no idea if he was head down or
breech…yet again. I was going to the hospital the next morning for an
ultrasound and possibly a version. Selena was coming. We were making plans on
when to meet there. Selena pointed out I was starting to get my worried face
on…I swear she read me creepily well. I looked at her and said “I’m just not
sure if I want to do a version even if he is breech. I feel so at peace with
where he is right now. He seems to have made his choice and I feel wrong to
mess with that.” Selena assured me I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want
to. She did however, advise me to eat a lot of protein, drink a lot of water,
and snack lightly the next morning so the doctors would not “find” anything
wrong leading them to pressure induction, etc. I was 41 weeks after all, and
this gestational age can be very daunting to doctors.
The next
morning, I woke up to surges (contractions) yet again. I felt I didn’t really
want to go to the hospital at all…my body and baby were working together and
doing things. I just had to surrender and trust it. I texted Selena to tell her
I was having the surges, and without me even saying anything she asked “Do you
still want to go to the hospital?” I think she knew I had already made up my
mind. I still felt uneasy about trusting my instincts. I told her I would talk
to my husband, who said “don’t do it…we can go on a hike instead.” I told
Selena and Sunshine our decision, and then quickly called Jaymie to confirm
that if baby was breech and there was a complication, I would be able to
transfer my care to the doctors who performed breech vaginal delivery.
Later that
afternoon, Sunshine led Kyle and I on a really beautiful 5 mile hike. I felt my
baby drop and drop, lower and lower. I also started to notice a pattern in my
surges. Every time Kyle came near me, I would start surging like crazy. When he
left the room they would stop. I told this to Selena jokingly and she texted me
back seriously to tell me “That’s because you love him. You make oxytocin when
you’re around him. “ She encouraged us to snuggle and make out. We did, and
surges picked up…but I knew with them not picking up enough he would have to go
back to work the next day. This discouraged me.
The next
day, April 14th, Kyle went back to work and my surges stopped. I was
discouraged. I was giving up. I was so done with this entire thing. Hadn’t I
been through enough? Was my sanity not worth anything? Why couldn’t I just do what
was already coming and schedule a cesarean? What was I doing all this for? I
was sitting in the living room with my mom and son and I felt the tears set in.
I went in my room, laid in bed and cried. While I was crying, I got a text from
Selena asking how things were progressing. (again, she read me well)
I told
Selena everything had stopped...yet again. She then asked how I would feel about taking
herbs to try to start labor naturally. I told her I would do anything. After
talking to Jaymie, she told me she would be over that afternoon. Before we
ended our text chat she asked how I was feeling. I told her the truth. Her
response was “Well pump yourself up again. You can and will do this. Rest until
I get there. I’ll bring a bunch of different options and we will decide what is
best.”
I heard that
voice again…it was insistent. “Let go…and you will find peace.” I stopped
crying. I was going to do this. I told Kyle what was happening and he said he
was going to try to get out early. I sat in the bath, with a bath bomb and let
the blue water and seaweed soak me up. I had on a hypnosis track called “Come
OUT baby.” I listened to it, and I felt Peace listen to it as well. I came out
of that bath a different woman. I had surrendered. I spent the rest of the
afternoon watching friends and laying down. This wasn’t over until I decided it
was over…and I was deciding to own my birth at this very moment. Then I noticed
something upon laying down in bed…I was surging…and it was not Braxton hicks. I
timed these surges and they were about 10 minutes apart. I wasn’t excited, but
thought it was funny that as soon as Selena was on her way they decided to kick
in.
When I
opened the door for Selena, I believe she immediately picked up on my changed
energy. I told her what had happened and she was happy. She told me she thought
the last step in me going into labor was surrendering, and I definitely agreed.
She also mentioned, sometimes women who get induced have a thing where their
bodies will wait around the second time for a little push. She wanted to give
me a little push to see if It would help. I was given a tincture of black and
blue cohosh to drink. (one relaxes the uterus, and one prevents labor from
stalling) I took that tincture every hour for four hours. After that, Selena
applied clary sage to my belly, lovingly. She paused and I really felt her
energy connecting with mine and my baby’s. It was what I needed. We laughed as
she held my belly and it started to surge. She remarked that I was responding
really well already.
After this,
she decided to do a cervical massage. This was not a membrane sweep. She simply
went up into my cervix and massaged it with evening primrose oil. When she
finally got to my cervix, she told me I was a 1-2. Once she hooked on the
inside of it, she started instructing me to imagine a rose bud opening. As I
did this, she gradually massaged me open. Not even 5 minutes later she said
“Look, now you’re a 3.” I was in disbelief. She massaged for a bit longer,
showing me some pressure points along the way, and then decided to call me a
solid 2. She commented she really thought I would be calling her that night or
the next day. I showed many signs of being ready.
After Selena
left, I felt different. I was sitting on my ball and surges were coming
regularly and with intensity. I could still talk through them, so I still
figured maybe I was just crampy from the massage. I looked at Kyle and said
“You know what we should do? We should go out to dinner. Then it will happen.” Kyle
agreed. My mom did not like this plan, and urged us to stay close by in case
things picked up. When I told Sunshine we were going to dinner, she laughed at
me. We decided to go to Roys at Ko Olina, which was only 10 minutes down the
road.
I got dolled
up for what I was optimistic would be my last dinner out for awhile. I had
completely surrendered and I was ready to embrace whatever was to come. Upon
entering Roy’s, our hostess asked me how far along I was. I responded that I
was 41.5 weeks. She commented “You should just have the baby right here.” I
told her I just might. I don’t think she realized I was serious.
We had a
delicious dinner, thought I think both of us were a tiny bit nervous, as my
surges never stopped and stayed regular throughout. The waitress brought over a
dessert menu and Kyle asked me what I wanted to do. My response was “If I’m
really in labor, you damn well better believe I’m eating dessert first…and if
I’m not, I’ll be really upset I didn’t get dessert.”
We paid our
bill and left. Walking to the car I started to feel a shift. I do believe in looking
back, this shift was into active labor, but of course no one was checking me so
I have no idea. Kyle had to hold the car door for me and I had to finish a
surge before I could climb in the car. I mentioned on the drive home that “This
might just be happening.” Kyle thought I was nuts, as he knew it was. On the
drive home he went over a pot hole and I almost killed him. I recalled that
this was how I felt with my first birth around 4 cm.
I texted my
doula, Sunshine on the way home to tell her that my surges didn’t stop through
dinner and were picking up. She told me she was heading over to our house, and
for the first time ever I did not argue with her. I told Selena things were
picking up and she urged me to time my surges when I got home.
Upon timing,
we found my surges were about 5-7 minutes apart, lasting about a minute.
Selena’s advice was to go to bed and rest before it picked up. Me being the
skeptic, didn’t want to do this. When Sunshine got to our house she remarked
that I had SO much energy and suggested a walk. I agreed, and we set out on the
steep hill of our street. In hindsight, I’m not sure what we were thinking. As
we walked, Sunshine urged me to stop during the surges if I needed to. First I
didn’t, but after awhile I realized it was probably a good idea. She took some
pictures of this. I must have been a sight to see…I wonder what all the cars
driving by thought.
When we got
home, Kyle was already in bed. I told Sunshine I was going to try to join him,
and she thought this was a good idea. I drank some electrolytes and got into
bed. I was just not comfortable. I slept probably 5-10 minutes at a time. I’m
thinking it was closer to 5. The surges woke me up and I breathed through them.
Finally, at around midnight, I gave up on the fact that I was going to get any
restful sleep. I decided I’d message with some friends on the east coast in an
effort to keep me laying down so I could at least rest my body a bit…but after
about a half hour I grew irritated with this too. Laying down was just not comfortable
anymore. I needed to change positions in order to get through this with ease.
I went out
in the living room, where Sunshine was resting and labored on my ball for a bit
while hanging out with her. She told me to think about texting Selena and telling
her where I was at. At this point, contractions were 3-4 minutes apart, lasting
a minute. When I texted Selena, she asked me if I wanted to think about taking
a bath or shower to help me rest. I told her I didn’t feel I was there quite
yet. She responded she thought I was still in early labor, and I agreed.
(Though in hind sight I don’t believe this)
Only about
10 minutes after talking to Selena, I realized I needed to shift to another
position. I decided to try the tub. I stayed in the tub for about 90 minutes. I
think this was a great way to allow myself to rest my body…but then I reached a
point where even the tub was not doing it for me. After this, it was about
3:30am, and I got Kyle up and told him I didn’t think he should go into work
that morning. The look he gave me was priceless…a typical “duh Kimberly”
moment. Kyle got up and got himself together so he could help me however I
needed. He started offering me counter pressure (aka pushing on my back through
surges) which was glorious.
After awhile,
Sunshine texted me and asked how I was doing. I told her I was uncomfortable
and gave her permission to come into our bedroom. I sat on the ball in our
bedroom while Kyle did some counter pressure and we all just hung out while I
had my spa music going. At around 4:30 I decided I needed another position
shift, so we went out into the living room and kitchen. I was starting to tire
out at this point and really wanted to rest, so Sunshine propped me up on the
couch in a way that would be comfortable through surges. I was able to rest in
between and this was really working great for awhile.
At 5:17am, I
got a message from Selena asking how I was doing and for an update. I told her
I was very uncomfortable. She asked me to time my surges again and tell her. I
got a little irritated at this point. I looked at Sunshine and said “I don’t
want to text her anymore…and I don’t want to time my surges!” Sunshine laughed
and said “You should probably tell her that.” I think she noted that I was at a
point where it was probably good for the midwives to head over. My response was
“I don’t want to be rude.” I timed my surges, which were now 2-3 minutes apart,
lasting a minute. I texted Selena quickly, then handed my phone to Sunshine,
because I truly was done with the phone at this point. I really needed to
focus. Selena asked Sunshine to update her over the next hour and told her that
she and the other midwives were on their way. She suggested I eat something.
Since there are no IVs in a home birth, it’s really important to eat in order
to keep up strength. Kyle brought me a muffin and a banana. I think I had 2
bites of the banana and then picked off tiny bird like pieces of the muffin. I
couldn’t eat…but I did make sure to drink lots of electrolytes.
I then
reached a point around 6am where I had no desire to be sitting or laying down
at all. I turned my nose up at the ball when Sunshine suggested it and from
there on out decided I would be standing or kneeling. I also started to be
rather directive at Kyle when he was doing his counter pressure. “Higher,
lower, harder.” He was awesome and went with it…but he was getting nervous. The
midwives were not there yet and he knew I was far into this labor. He was
secretly saying a little prayer that they got there before the baby did.
While
waiting for the midwives, we took some silly pictures in between surges. I
started to feel an intense pressure like I had to go to the bathroom, but every
time I tried to go nothing would come out. I didn’t want to push super hard
before I was ready and I didn’t have an urge that big, so I let it go and dealt
with the intense pressure. It was nagging at me though.
I was
standing in the bedroom around 6:30 when Sunshine came in to let me know that
Selena had arrived. A few minutes later, Selena came in to say hi. I greeted
her, bright eyed, bushy tailed, happy and making jokes. No wonder she was very
skeptical I was in active labor. She was great about never letting me know this
though. She first took her Doppler and attempted to find baby’s heart beat. It
took a good few minutes and was rather nerve wrecking. My belly was so tight,
it was hard to find sound at all. Finally, we found the heartbeat, extremely
low…and it was perfect. Selena then looked at me and asked “Do you want to be
checked?” I laughed and said no. She left it alone and left the room. The other
two midwives, Jaymie (the assistant midwife) and Summer (another midwife who
was coming as an extra pair of hands) had gotten there during this time as
well.
About 10
minutes later, Sunshine came into my room and threw it out there. “So…you need
to let Selena check you.” (apparently
Selena had mentioned in the other room that she did not believe me to be too
far into labor by the awfully chatty way I was acting) I looked at Sunshine and
said “I don’t want to be checked…if I’m still 3 centimeters I am going to lose
my mind.” Kyle rolled his eyes while he set up the drop cloth on our bed and
said “You are not 3 centimeters.” Sunshine reminded me I could just let Selena
check me and then no one had to tell me anything. My response was “If she’s
going to check me, I better get to find out the results. I’m not laying down
for all that just to not even get to find out.” The thought of laying down was
truly the most daunting part of this for me. But Sunshine is convincing, and I
eventually obliged and told her Selena could come in and check me.
While I was
waiting for Selena, I was kneeling on the bed having surges, while Kyle pushed
on my low back. When Selena came in, she had a blood pressure cuff. She put it
around my arm and of course as soon as it started to take I had a surge. I got
out “Of course this is going to happen right now” and threw myself against the
pillow, while Kyle pushed my back again. When the blood pressure cuff stopped and
revealed my reading, Selena just stared at the screen wide eyed. She looked at
me and said “Alright…we are going to take that again.” She acknowledged that
according to the blood pressure cuff I was having some strong surges. I asked
her out of curiosity what the initial reading was during the surge and she said
160/100. Yowza! She took it again when I was not surging and it was normal.
Then came
the check. I laid down on the bed as we all waited in anticipation of the
number of centimeters I was. During this time, Kyle looked at Sunshine and said
“She’s a 7. I know it.” Selena reached in and immediately noted the baby’s head
was at 0 station, and I was 85-90% effaced. She then reached further and said
“You’re 7 centimeters.” I was ecstatic. Suddenly labor felt so much easier. I
knew I was having this baby sometime this morning. Then came our next
question…was I delivering a head or a butt? We still had no idea. Selena felt
around for a crack but could not find one. She then commented she thought she
felt a suture and that it seemed we were dealing with a head. No one was willing to bet 100%, however. We were about to
find out for sure though.
The midwives
started to set up the tub for me, and I told Sunshine it may be a good idea to
tell my mom to come down and grab breakfast for her and Tumult, my older son,
as I knew she wasn’t going to want to come down during any chaos. When my mom
came down, I asked to see Tumult, and they came into my room. We talked for a
bit and I got to kiss my son. I looked at my mom and said “Did they tell you
I’m a 7?” She looked at me and said “Really?” I think this freaked her out a
bit, as I definitely wasn’t acting this far in labor. She told me she was proud
of me and that she loved me, and then I started another surge. With that, she
left and took Tumult upstairs.
The surges
were really getting intense at this point. Selena came in my room to ask me if
I would mind if Jaymie delivered me, as she is working towards her
certification as a midwife and needed to deliver a number of births to achieve
this. I was so ecstatic about this and agreed. Jaymie was such a support to me
during my pregnancy and I was so excited that I was able to help her along the
way. From this point on, Jaymie started to take over. She took the baby’s
heartbeat, and encouraged me to relax my shoulders through surges.
I was still
in the bedroom when Sunshine came in and asked if I wanted to go get in the
birth tub because it was all set up. I was kind of wishy washy at this
point…nothing was 100% comfortable. She said “You might as well get your
money’s worth…you paid to have that tub.” I laughed and agreed that I would get
in the tub.
When I
walked out to the living room it was transformed. The tub was really nice…not
what I imagined it was going to be, as I’ve seen some really ratty looking
birth tubs. I got in the water, and it was so nice and hot. There was a little
thermometer in the tub of a duck with sunglasses. This cracked me up and I
started to joke around about it. Surging in the tub was nice, but I still very
much needed Kyle’s counter pressure. I really wanted to embrace Kyle and kiss
him at this point, but I knew in the earlier days he made my surges
stronger…and I couldn’t take any stronger than what I had, so I resisted this
urge. When I did have surges, I only had enough time to briefly say "I need you," as either he or Sunshine rushed over to push on my back.
While in the
tub, I really went into myself and everyone was just sitting around and letting
me be. I came upon the realization that I was actually going to have to do this
again…I was going to have to go through transition and push a baby out. This
sounds exciting when you’re just pregnant and thinking about it, but being in
the moment, all the memories of the sensations from my first birth came back.
When it is your second baby, there is no denying what you’re in for and what is
coming. I wondered how long it would be before I got to this point, very much
anticipating a crazy transition. But I was still calm at this point…it was a
crazy difference from my last birth. I started to get really hot, and kept
asking for cold face cloths on my neck and forehead. I was drinking
electrolytes like crazy. The combination of the hot water on my hips and cold
cloths on my neck and face was awesome. But then…I had to pee.
I quickly
alerted everyone, and they helped me out of the tub and up to the bathroom. I
closed the door so I could do my business, and then realized I did not want to
leave the toilet. I really wanted to go to the bathroom with the pressure I was
feeling. I quickly asked for someone to help me as I was just not comfortable
and unsure of what to do.
The door
flew open and Kyle and Jaymie walked in, while Selena, Summer and Sunshine hung
around outside the bathroom on the steps. Jaymie started trying to take a heart
beat from the baby again while Kyle gave me some good counter pressure. My
surges were just too intense at this point. Jaymie placed her hand gently on my
shoulders and encouraged me to relax them. I mentioned the pressure and Jaymie
suggested it was the baby. I told her I didn’t think so because my water still
needed to break. Jaymie calmly just said “That’s okay…and maybe your baby will
be born in the caul.” I took a few minutes to think…then looked at Jamie and
uttered the sentence “I don’t want to do this.” (It was noted that this was the
only sign of transition I ever went through…I had basically no transition. What
a difference from my last birth)
Right after
uttering these words, a surge hit me that made me grab up on the window sill,
bear down and groan like a cave woman. (I had been completely silent up until
this point) It stopped everyone in their tracks. I felt a large bowling ball
coming down and realized the pressure was not me having to go to the bathroom…I
was having a baby…and the baby was going to come out in the toilet if I didn’t
do something. Jaymie calmly looked at me and asked if I wanted to get back in
the tub. I looked at her and uttered “That’s probably a good idea.” Kyle shook
his head and said “I’m glad you realize that.” I quickly got up from the toilet and noticed a
bunch of blood in the toilet. My only thought was that the stairs were carpeted
and I was going to stain them. (something I was laughed at for later on) I
booked it back to the tub in the living room. Kyle noted while I was walking
that there was a head coming out of me. He nervously alerted Jaymie to this,
but she was calm.
When I got
in the tub, she got behind me and started encouraging me to push my baby out.
Sunshine was in front of me, really helping me work my breathing and energy down.
With every push I squeezed her hand…I’m not sure if I found hers or if she
grabbed onto mine, but I recall it happening. Kyle was still behind me giving
me counter pressure. Jaymie told me I could reach down and feel the head if I
wanted to. I reached down and felt a little tiny something coming out, noting
that I was not even close to crowning, though the pressure was intense. “THAT’S
IT???” I snapped. Everyone laughed at me. I think I even laughed at myself. I
then asked “Wait…so it’s a head?” They told me that yes, it was a head. I
immediately looked at Sunshine and said “You did it!” and started making
commentary. Selena then interrupted me and told me I needed to push my baby
out. I started pushing again, but not much was happening. I do recall that with
every surge that hit at this point I felt Peace’s head jerk like he was working
to come out as well. It was so incredibly intense. Jaymie was so intuitive to what
I was doing and with every primal noise that came out of my mouth she reminded
me that my baby was just helping me and it was okay. Jaymie then realized that
with all of Kyle’s amazing counter pressure, he was actually pushing my coccyx
(tailbone) in and the baby’s head was not able to descend. She told Kyle he
needed to stop the counter pressure. He let go for the next surge, and with
that the baby’s head flew down. It was this surge that was the most intense and
with the jerk I felt of the head I let out a huge shrill scream. Sunshine quickly
focused me back and got my energy downward again.
With a
couple more pushes, the baby still wasn’t doing much. Jaymie noted I was
stretched to my max, so she didn’t want me to push much more, as she held my
perineum for support. She told me to not push through a couple surges so she
could check for cord. Sure enough, the cord was wrapped loosely around the baby
twice, and was putting even more pressure on my perineum along with the head
because of its dangly looseness. (This would totally explain why I felt the
ring of fire with a vengeance this time around…I never felt it with my first
birth) She unwrapped it once but since it was so loose she didn’t feel a need
to unwrap it all the way. The head came down a little more. I gave a couple more
pushes. The head was out, but the shoulders were stuck.
Jaymie told
me I needed to change position from leaning against the tub, and roll over so
that I was facing up. This sounded horrid…there was literally a head hanging
out of me and I was to turn around? I quickly said “No I don’t want to…I don’t
want to…” during my chaotic response, Sunshine said “You’re going to turn
over…here you go,” took her hand and gave one final love tap to assist in the
birth of my baby where she pushed me. Because I was in the water, I lost my
balance and flipped over unwillingly. Sunshine said something to the effect of
“there you go.” This was probably a super funny sight to see from the other
side.
Once I was
positioned, I gave a final few pushes and my baby was out at 9:43 am. (Pushing
lasted 20 minutes…20 unbearable minutes in my entire 15 hours of labor) Kyle
caught him, and he was quickly handed to me. He was motionless and super
peaceful, but slightly blue. Everyone started rubbing him. The midwives jumped
right in and took his heart beat, which was still great, but he wasn’t
breathing. They had me blow in his mouth (which was super empowering) and he let out a gasp, but they still
had some work to do in order to get him breathing really well. Jaymie attempted
to blow in his mouth as well before they started getting the oxygen. Selena
never took the baby from my arms and kept encouraging me “talk to your baby…” I
told him hi…and kept asking him if he was okay. I was starting to get a little
nervous. After a couple minutes, the oxygen was held up to his face and he
started to regulate and pink up. I am so thankful I was home for this, as I
know if we had been at a hospital, Peace would have been separated from us. He
stayed on my belly while the midwives worked around him. I will note, he was
attached to his cord/placenta this entire time, so he was getting some great
blood circulation and oxygen from the cord. I held him a little longer, and
delivered the placenta within about 10 minutes. After the placenta came out,
they had Kyle take the baby into the bedroom to try to help him further while
they got me situated. I was given an herb to drink in order to stop the
bleeding from getting to be too much, and then they helped me out of the tub.
When I got in bed, I was handed the baby and he, Kyle and I snuggled together
in bed. Vitals were taken on both of us, and my mom and Tristan were brought in
to see us. There was so much love in the room. Jaymie anointed Peace and I
with Frankincense oil on our heads and my feet and it was a really special
moment. Upon inspecting my placenta, we found that it was perfect with not a
single flaw…but what was even more notable was that the umbilical cord was over
two feet long. We finally had an answer as to why Peace was the baby that
would not say in the pelvis. His cord was so long, there was no way it could
restrict him in any way. I felt so complete finally having an answer and a
reason as to why all this happened, and it is a crazy and amazing story to
tell. We had a jump roper in there!
The midwives
then made sure I ate, helped me up to go to the bathroom, and gave Peace his
vitamin K shot, but not after having me latch him on so he would be the most
comfortable. It was such an amazing experience. The midwives thanked Peace for
teaching him and we laughed about how crazy of an experience this entire ordeal
was for all of us. Jaymie gave me my post partum care instructions, left some
chlorophyll with me, and with that everyone left and the rest of the day was
spent getting to know and loving on Peace. (The midwives stayed with me for a total of 4 hours post-birth)
I want
everyone reading this to know that despite my having this experience, I don’t
feel everyone has to. I had so many moments during this ordeal where I thought
about transferring to the hospital or getting a c section so I didn’t have to
suffer these mind games anymore…and I’d never blame or judge anyone for doing
different than what I did. In telling my story, I’m not encouraging anyone to
go natural or saying it is the only way…but what I do want to encourage all
mommies to be to do, is always trust your instinct. Even if others may judge
you…we always know what is best for our babies and we get gut feelings for a
reason. Also, miracles can and do happen, and just because something happens
that isn’t the norm, doesn’t mean we should ever let go of trust in ourselves,
our bodies and our babies. Never let someone else tell you how to feel. I’m so
thankful I listened to the voice in my head, and I know many people judged me
for the possibility of a breech delivery and thought I was crazy…but in the end
it didn’t even matter…I let go, and I found peace.
