Mom Shaming at its Finest

Today, I saw something really sickening on one of the online mom groups I'm in. It is on my mind, and I can't shake it off my mind, so I figured I'd write about it.

I'm sitting on my computer, minding my own business, when this post comes up on my news feed...

"I know everyone does everything differently and follows different "guidelines" and that you're supposed to follow your child's lead but how can you argue with science?
My friend is literally shovelling rice cereal down her babies throat. She even posted a video saying "how can people argue he isn't ready for solids? I can't even scoop it fast enough ". He's 4 months and I've shown her plenty of research about open gut and everything else. Yes he takes a lot of bottles but he's the size of my 7m old who also eats frequently and there's a growth spurt around that time too.

Someone else even commented saying that they're going to give their baby solids before 6m because "what's the harm".
Why are people wanting to rush their babies to be more grown up??? Enjoy while they're little because it won't last forever"

Ok...so maybe some people don't see anything wrong with this. But then a few minutes later, this mom commented on her own post and went on to say how she knows this mom feels guilty about her choices because of things she has said to her. She then posted another comment with a screen shotted post of their conversation, where she was basically "schooling" this other mom, who is supposedly a good friend of hers. 

Now, those who know me, know I'm super against the practice of rice cereal, or of introducing solids before 6 months. The research I have done has indicated that this isn't something I want to do for my children. However, when I saw this on my facebook page, I felt super bad for this other mom. This mom, who thinks she has a friend in this girl, and unbeknownst to her, this girl is going behind her back in mom groups (mom groups, mind you, that revolve around supporting ALL parenting decisions) and completely judging and ripping her apart as a mother.

My question for mom-shamers who do this is...How on earth does this benefit you? How does this benefit anyone? WHY in your mind can you even think this is okay???

Sometimes, I really feel mommy-wars are blown out of proportion. I feel that some parents feel threatened by other parents talking about parenting differently...and add in postpartum hormones, you've got yourself a cocktail for disaster. But when I see someone blatantly attacking another person like this, it just makes me feel that maybe I have been lucky to not see the ugly side of it all.

I feel it is totally okay to post articles about what parenting choices you have made. It is okay to talk about what you're doing. It is even okay to give advice, IF that advice has been asked for, or explain your situation further if a mom inquires. But the minute you get this holier-than-thou attitude, it's a complete turn off. No mom wants to be around that...even if what you are doing IS supported by science.

I think being that we are all human, judgement is only natural. But it really crosses a line when it gets posted to groups for other moms to agree with you and for you to feel some sort of satisfaction having proved yourself a better mom than your friend Betty.

Motherhood is really hard...some days, it feels like a struggle for my son and I to survive and get to the next day. That said, I want everyone to know that while I'm a huge advocate for the parenting choices I've made, and while I do like to expose evidence about them, I don't think you're a bad parent if you chose differently. I'm about to get human on you all...

I gave birth without an epidural...but I have seen women have wonderful, gentle births with them where they feel more comfortable.

I breastfed my son to 22 months...but some of the strongest warriors I know are those moms who woke up every hour, through the night to pump only to realize they only produced enough to satisfy their baby for half of one feeding, and had to ultimately switch to formula. You can never be 100% sure of someone else's body, history, mental well being, or determination unless you ARE in fact them.

I believe in baby led weaning, and waiting until 6 months to introduce solids...but I don't believe you're poisoning your child if you choose otherwise.

I never once let my son cry it out...but I remember nights where I sat up crying silently as I held my son, who was waking every 90 minutes, wishing I could somehow find it in me to do it, knowing I was trading a huge piece of my mental health and realizing why other moms did practice this.

I vaccinate on an alternative schedule...but I have friends who vaccinate according to the schedule, and I have friends who don't vaccinate at all. I'm comfortable with my son playing with any and all of their kids, and respect their decisions.

I tried to baby wear my son...he was miserable. I see pictures of my mom friends wearing their babies and wishing mine would let me do that...but he wasn't that type of baby. Every baby is different.

What am I trying to say through all this? I'm trying to say that every baby and every mom is different. Different things work for different people. Different circumstances arise that cause a need for change and adjustment. We are all doing the best we can with what we know.

Will I keep researching, blogging and exposing evidence based truths? You bet! It's my passion and it is what has made the journey of pregnancy, birth and parenting such a passionate one for me. But don't for a second think I do it to tell anyone how good of a parent they are. In my opinion, if you think you're a good parent, then that's half the battle. If you feel you've done the best for your children that you possibly can, then that's great. Why would you need any more validation than that?

Bottom line, if anyone ever feels the need to scrutinize someone like the mom whose post I saw today did, then please, will you write a book? If your parenting is so flawless, and you know exactly what to do to yield that perfect child, please educate the rest of us...because I'm sure there are many other moms behind me who are wondering what is the 100% right way to parent so that our kid turns out to be the the best they can be. No one has all the answers...even you, Mom-shamer.