Answers to Questions/Comments about my Pregnancy/Birth

After I came out and posted my birth story (and throughout my pregnancy) I got a lot of questions. I figured I would make a blog post to answer these questions. Warning: some are rather personal so if you can't put your big person pants on, then best to skip over this entry. My goal here is to normalize something that people don't know much about and have fearful views of. So here goes...the most common questions, answered!

How did you do your Glucose/labs/Ultrasounds/Group B strep if you had a home birth?
I actually had this very same question when I interviewed my midwife. So upon seeing her, she suggested a home birth friendly OB who I could see for something called "concurrent health care." This means that she and my midwife managed my health together. I would see my midwife primarily, every two weeks, but every month (or however often I felt like going) I would go into my OB for the few medical things I needed. My OB always asked me what I wanted, which made me happy. It was never a "You must do this test now that you are ___ weeks." I actually had to ask for a couple of these things because she simply didn't want to be pushy. So my glucose test I did at home with my midwives...I did this a little differently because I'm not a fan of glucola. Then my OB ordered my labs and ultrasounds. Group B strep I did in my OB's office. It all went really smoothly as far as tests and whatnot.

Did you really drink wine when you were pregnant?
Yes. I really did. My first pregnancy, I was terrified to do this. However, this time I was very well hydrated and my fluid was awesome. After doing some research of my own, and even through reading Ina May's books (Ina May is the most famous certified professional midwife in the US) where she often suggests her patients take a shot of vodka to help relax them for labor, etc, I came upon the realization that there were substances I feared a lot more than a little wine. Interventions in the hospital? No thank you. A glass (not even a full 5oz glass) of wine? Not going to hurt. Women in Europe commonly drink through their entire pregnancies and birth is in a much healthier state there than it is here. I never even took so much as a tylenol or benadryl throughout my pregnancies. When I was absolutely stressed and fearful, I think the small glass of wine I drank only helped my body and baby on this journey.

What is tapping?
I'm glad you asked! I was unsure of it at first too. Tapping (the emotional release technique my midwife used on me to get rid of my fears around this birth) is a technique where you can release all sorts of emotions, especially fears. Basically, we sat down, discussed which fears I wanted to release, and then went through the reasoning and previous life experience these fears were tied to, while tapping on accupressure points to release them physically and emotionally. We would start with a fear that was rated a 10 (1-10 scale, 10 being the worst) and the goal was to tap it out until it was a zero so if the fear was brought up I would be completely numb to it. It was a really trippy experience. My main fear was the baby turning sideways (which we know he continued to do) and we found the my fears around it were linked to things I went through as a child. It was really weird because I never would have thought that, but it all kind of came out like word vomit and there wasn't much thinking about it. There were a lot of tears, but it was really awesome and it was a really cool experience between my midwife and I because a lot of things that came up were things she very much understood from her experiences. I suggest everyone try it, because it is really interesting.

What are surges?
"Surges" are another word for contractions. In hypnobirthing, we refer to contractions as surges, so as not to use such a harsh word. So when I talk about my surges, that's all this means.


What is hypnobirthing? Did it really cause you to not feel pain?
Hypnobirthing is an alternative birthing method that utilizes breathing techniques, visualization techniques, reframing words/thoughts, meditation and fear release. I used it with both of my births and had great success. Hypnobirthing really can cause you to not feel pain during birth. However, I caution that this doesn't mean you'll feel nothing. A lot of the hypnobirthing approach is instead of referring to something as painful you'll instead say "I feel pressure here." You will still very much feel birth, but your brain does not register it as pain. Being completely, 100% honest, I will say I didn't feel any pain with my first birth, and did not feel any pain this time around during labor, but I do remember the ring of fire when I was pushing Peace out, as well as pushing out my placenta which was not pleasant. But more importantly, I had two very easy births as far as being uncomfortable is concerned, and I totally swear by hypnobirthing. I realize it isn't for everyone, but for me, it worked amazingly.

When did the midwives come to your house for the birth?
My midwives arrived around 6:30am, were set up and our vitals were checked by 7:30am and I gave birth at 9:43 am. This often sparks a nervous discussion, but I was not at all nervous and thought this was timed out perfectly. I was texting and talking to my midwife all night and the decision on when she was to head to our house was made by the both of us, with additional variables like traffic taken into consideration. Had I wanted her to be with me sooner, I guarantee she would have come. She was following my cues and her instincts, and we were a great team as far as this was concerned.

You mentioned you had no idea if your baby was breech (butt down) or head down. When did you actually find out?
We had an ultrasound at 40 weeks with our OB that confirmed baby as breech. At 41 weeks I had a feeling he was in a different position, but chose to not get this confirmed by ultrasound and opted to just trust that whatever he was doing was how he wanted to be born. This is going to sound crazy, but none of us had any idea what was presenting until the head crowned. We did suspect we were dealing with a head due to my gut feelings, the location of his heartbeat, and my midwife thinking she felt a suture when she checked me for dilation. But the midwife who delivered me actually did have a brief moment of panic when she felt a soft spot and thought we may be dealing with a butt. Our little man managed to keep his secret until the last minute.

What would you have done if the baby couldn't come out in the position he was in?
Well we had pretty good odds of this not being an issue if he was head down or breech, which we knew he was one or the other. If he had turned sideways, my plan was to labor to 10 centimeters, re evaluate position at a 10 and then if the baby wasn't able to come out, I would have to transfer to the hospital and get a cesarean. The benefits of dilating and allowing your body to experience labor are so advantageous, and babies are known to flip in labor. So I felt good about my plan and my odds, even though I had a few moments of panic over the unknown.

Were you worried about your baby drowning in the water?
Did you know that babies actually live in fluid during the time they are in a mother's womb...and so being born into the water is a more calming birth experience for them as they transition into the world? Since a baby is still attached to his/her cord and placenta when coming out, drowning is not an issue. It's a very safe process. Promise!

Did you let your baby instinctively swim up to you or did you pull him out?
I'm not going to lie...I honestly didn't know that instinctively swimming up was a thing. Since we felt no need to start swimming lessons so early, my husband was the one who caught baby and pulled him out of the tub, when he was then handed to me. We are happy with how it turned out.

Were you scared about your baby not breathing?
If you recall in my birth story, Peace was not breathing when he first was born. Being that I had just given birth, I was a little out of it. I did have a brief moment of panic, in which I turned to my midwife and asked if he was okay. She confidently said yes, and since I trusted my midwives 100% and no one was calling 911, I figured we were okay. My baby was connected to his placenta the entire time, so no damage was done as he did have blood flow, despite his not breathing. He also stayed skin to skin with my husband and I the entire time, so I feel a lot better about having this happen at home than in the hospital where his cord would have been clamped and he would have been taken from us.

How did your older son take all this? Did he see the birth?
My son did not see the birth. We decided earlier on that it would be better for me and my concentration if my son was not in the room when I gave birth, so my mom was out to watch him. They were upstairs while I gave birth, though we did have a brief moment about an hour before where we got to say good morning and hug. To be honest, when my son came downstairs the first thing he saw was a birth tub full of all sorts of stuff, and his toys had been moved over to accommodate the tub. Then he comes into my bedroom and sees my husband and I laying in bed with a baby. He was a bit freaked out. He came around after a few minutes and even offered the baby a pacifier, which we of course did not allow him to put in the baby's mouth. 2 weeks later, they are best of friends.

Didn't you and your baby need to see a doctor after the birth?
Nope! No doctor needed for either of us. Our midwives stayed with us for 4 hours after the birth and monitored our vitals before they left. They also came to check in 24 hours later, 4 days later, a week later and will come in another 2 weeks. The only thing we did need was a chiropractor. My pubic bone and sacrum were a mess after birthing such a big baby, and my son's atlas was a little out of whack. We are both in tip top shape now, and still neither of us have been to the doctor.

Don't you have to get him circumcised/get his Hep B shot/get his ankle stick/get his vitamin k?
Here's the thing...I don't HAVE to do anything. I did opt to do a couple of these, and the ones I opted to do were ones that our midwives could perform in our home. But since these are such personal/heated discussions, I will refrain from going into my choices specifically.

When did your water break? Was your baby born in caul?
Baby was not born in caul. We have no idea when my water broke actually. My midwife felt the sac at 7 cm when she checked me so we thought it might have been after that, but after the inspection she noticed something that looked kind of like meconium on her gloves, and there ended up being meconium when I pushed the baby out. So our conclusion is that my water probably did break before my check at 7 cm and it was just a slow leak, just like my first birth. It didn't really matter since I was already in active labor and the baby was coming anyway. I was just advised to take some extra vitamin C as a precaution.

Did you tear at all?
I gave birth to an 8.5 lb baby but my entire perineum was in tact. Thank goodness I had amazing midwives looking out for it while I was pushing! I did have a tiny 1 cm tear that wasn't on the perineum, but was just advised to not do anything crazy (walking up stairs, squatting) and that with rest it would fuse back together in the next 24 hours. No stitches needed! Woohoo!

How did you cut the cord?
Well you know, being that we were at home and all, we obviously had to use our teeth. KIDDING! Home birth midwives actually do come equipped with many of the same things you find in the hospital, including a trusty cord clamp and scissors to cut. We actually didn't cut the cord for the first 2-3 hours...we put the placenta in a ziplock bag and carried it to our bed with the baby, where he stayed attached to it. Kinda cool!  

Did you really eat your placenta?
Yes I really did. Just to make you uncomfortable. No, actually I decided I wanted to eat my placenta early on when my research revealed that in many cases it can prevent post partum depression, increase milk supply, elevate energy levels, help your mood the next time you get pregnant, and when weaning baby, etc. Yeah, it's a little gross to think about, but I didn't take a fork to it. I had it encapsulated. I had horrible depression with my first baby, but I'm happy to report that this time is a lot different. (minus a few hormonal melt downs that anyone would have) Was it the placenta? No idea...but I'm not about to stop and find out.

I would never be able to do what you did...I don't have a high pain tolerance/my baby and I would have died/I was too high risk/I can't afford it.
When I get these comments I usually just smile...but you know what? After going through what I did I'm convinced that if you really really want this, not much can stop you from having a home birth in the right care. Pain tolerance? I cry when I tweeze my eye brows and I smiled up until when I was pushing my baby out, so don't get me started there. And no, you probably wouldn't have died, but are listening to a doctor who is trying to make you feel better about the interventions that were sprung on you last minute in the hospital. Doctors are interventionalists...it's what they do. It's not a bad thing, but women actually rarely die in home birth...more women probably die in the hospital. But I'll have to look up this exact statistic. High risk...yeah sometimes we have to transfer to the hospital when this happens, but don't assume you can't birth at home. I was very anemic and had moderate high blood pressure...and I probably would have been induced in the hospital, but was just fine at home and my midwives knew I was taking good care of myself and doing everything I could to stay as "normal" as possible. As for not being able to afford it...I get that...it's a lot to pay out of pocket. But some midwives have payment plans and will work with you. So don't just assume it's too expensive. I know my midwife is super generous and works with people. Also, tricare just covered a home birth in Hawaii for the first time. Changes are a comin'. So never say never...if it's what you really want don't make excuses, because it's an awesome experience that no woman should be deprived of if it's what her heart is set on.